Trivia 承: Love

I got so inspired to put my thoughts together after listening to Trivia 承: Love repeatedly! This is one of my favorite BTS songs--it just hits right.

So, Love. I like being called ”love”. I like being in love. I like it when someone loves me genuinely. In the first place, who doesn't? Right? I think I may have poured my soul into this entry since I have so many thoughts about love. While love can have different forms, I’d like to focus more on the type of love we give to our significant others, also known as eros.

I wrote this while thinking about what I've been through the years and I realized a few things, 2 cents in particular.

First, I consider myself blessed to have been loved by different men. Just two men. 

I can still count those who told and showed me they love me. The first guy I seriously dated learned what true love is from me. The second guy, on the other hand, taught me the value of sacrifice and how I should be loved. If ever these guys come across this entry, they would surely know who I'm pertaining to. Nonetheless, I have come to terms that life goes on without them. That I am still the same person who has big dreams and plans in life. With or without them, I still have myself to rely on and I will continue doing what I ought to do. I have no regrets about opening up to them and ultimately loving them. I honestly feel lucky to have been loved by them even for a limited time frame. But I'd like to believe that they are luckier to have been loved by me.

Second, never give up on love. I know we can choose to be in a relationship or not. Nonetheless, let love flow.

I already accepted the possibility of me being a spinster. While this is the case, I realized that giving up on love is and will never be never an option since I want my true womanhood to come to fruition. In other words, I am aware that I want to build my own family. 

Admittedly, there have been a couple of guys asking me out for a cup of coffee or to get to know each other but as of the moment, I have not agreed to any of them. This is because I know that I am not ready at all. I do not want to get to know a person -or worst, fall in love with a person- with my full knowledge that I cannot put my best foot forward. I have experienced this firsthand and I do not want anyone who goes my way to experience it any further. It is better to be blunt than sorry, so to say. I am not sure why it is so difficult for others to communicate honestly. This is the bare minimum and it shouldn't be difficult, right?

However, my actions are not equal to me closing my doors. It's just that I am working on myself further. I am confident, intelligent, kind, and beautiful to begin with. I was ready to love my significant others. Yet, with all the whirlwinds that happened, I felt that I have to replenish what was lost. Currently, I am more focused on achieving my goals and I am proud to say I am ticking them off from my list one by one. 

I am hopeful that I am able to open my doors again for dating, courtship, and eros once I feel complete. I want to be the best for myself and for the person I love. I want it to be just me.

Dating might be something I shy away from nowadays, but I truly know that this will only last for some time. At the end of the day, I am a human. We are humans who love and seek love. Ultimately, we love to live and we live to love. 

Always,

Ki