Growth During Uncertainty

2020 was something else. I thought it would be a year where everything will go smoothly as if a pandemic would not occur at all. Life truly has its own ways to surprise us. For some, 2020 was the worst. While for others, last year was a year that allowed them to slow down, reflect, and grow. Personally, 2020 was the worst but it also made me realize that I grew a lot last year despite the circumstances that came my way.

In January 2020, I kept myself busy since I was writing my Master's thesis and preparing for the proposal defense. I visited our library daily so I can focus on my work. I also had a rough game plan for the whole year. If things were normal, the plan would look something like this:

Honestly, I achieved almost every goal I set for myself except with numbers 4, 5, 7, 8, and 9. Because of the pandemic, I had to give up studying at Yonsei University as an exchange student for the summer term. My thesis writing pace also slowed down, which is why I finished everything by July already. I was super duper excited to be studying in one of South Korea's and the world's top universities! I was planning to take three courses: Economic Sociology, Corporate Finance, and Investment Management. I felt frustrated when I found out I could not leave the country because of Covid. My documents were ready, I was about to apply for a student visa, my scholarship and dormitory were already in place, etc. Yet, life just took a big detour.

   Yonsei University in South Korea

IMAGE: Yonsei

February 2020 was one of my favorite months last year because I reunited with a childhood friend and ended up dating him until late August last year. Our moms are best friends they disconnected for roughly 12 years due to a misunderstanding. They rekindled their friendship by 2018 and we, the kids, also got to know each other better. When we dated, I felt all sorts of butterflies, smiled from ear to ear, and loved as if there is no tomorrow. I know it sounds so cheesy but when you are in love, everything just hits differently. Love can make you stupid. Love can change you. Love can also reveal the darkest parts of a person. Unfortunately, we are not in that kind of relationship anymore because of personal reasons. However, I would like to take this chance to actually thank him for being part of my 2020. Despite the odds, I am grateful for the love he has given me and the support he has shown. Falling in love was not in my game plan, but it did happen. 

By March 2020, I packed all my things and went home for a supposedly 5-day break from graduate school. However, the short break turned into months of being at home. It was frustrating because I thought of Manila as where my life really is since I was pursuing my studies there. This has been the longest time that I am in my hometown ever since I was a college student. And yes, until now, I am still in my hometown. From March to July, I did a lot of things to keep me busy. I worked out every day, went on simple or homey dates with the guy I mentioned, baked some cupcakes and other pastries, sold a lot of my pre-loved clothes online, went on day trips with friends, watched several Korean dramas and Western TV series, to name a few. I also remember preparing for job interviews because I did send my CV or resume as early as January or February. I think I made the right decision of sending my CV as earlier as possible because the job market, especially in this unprecedented period, became saturated. While it became saturated, the supply of employment decreased because other companies had a hiring freeze. Hence, employment hunting became more difficult for others.

Quarantreats

In April 2020, I had a total of 5 job interviews: 3 for the company I'm currently working in and 2 with the other organization I applied for. Essentially, I only applied to 2 organizations. The first one is a top financial institution across the globe and the second one is an important government body in the Philippines. Fortunately, I aced the interviews of both organizations and had to choose which one had the best offer for me. I will talk more about my chosen career path as well as tips to ace that big interview in another blog post soon!

I turned 22 this year and I spent the 12th of June with my family and friends. Fun fact, I was born during the centennial anniversary of the Philippine Independence Day. On June 12, 1998, the provincial government promised to sponsor all educational fees of the child who will be born first. In other words, the government will pay for the tuition of the child from pre-school to graduate school. The best part is that it can be any school. My mom tried to push me as hard as she could, but someone from a different city was born a few minutes after I emerged from her womb. Imagine if I have not been a stubborn baby?! I would have had a lifetime scholarship! Nonetheless, I always loved my birthday because it is a Philippine holiday. 

Some of my friends who celebrated my day

Fast forward to July and August, I defended my final thesis and graduated on time. My study was about the institutional capacity of credit information agency in the Philippines. During the preparation for the defense, a heavy blow knocked me. My personal life just went on a total wreck because something happened. I will not place all the details but it affected my emotions and my physical and mental health. I had to go through tough times and forced myself to hold on to things and people that mattered the most. Although I was employed, I made my job an escape from all the things that I do not want to feel or even face. I kept myself so busy to the point where I bury myself with work and forget to eat. Because of this, I lost a lot of weight from August to October. These months challenged my core as I was not only experiencing personal patches but also anxiety from work. As a perfectionist, I always make sure that I do my job well. But if there's a tiny bit of mistake, I can be very disappointed with myself for not doing my best. Despite this, I am thankful that I overcame all the challenges I faced. I bounced back by taking care of myself even more. I ate 3 times a day and on time, exercised, took vitamins, went out with my family and friends to unwind, opened my mind to constructive criticisms, and welcomed all possibilities that may happen when working for a top company. It is okay not to feel okay. You can let yourself feel the pain you are going through. However, I am a firm believer that at one point, we have to make a decision to bounce back and live on. Else, we'll be miserable.

Grad photo vs. photo at home with my hardbound thesis

Come October to December, I surprisingly became a K-pop fan. I did not expect this at all, but now I am proud to say that I am a big fan of BTS! The group just makes my day everyday. I binge watched all their shows, listened to all their songs, bought some official merch (huhu bye money), and more!!! Their single, Dynamite, just simply turned things for me. When I saw the MV on Youtube, I instantly liked it until I caught myself playing it several times. That was the turning point—being aware that I was so into their song. I started researching all the members and the rest was history. Definitely got to know all of them through their various reality shows that made me laugh and cry simultaneously. To cut the story short, I became a fan or what they call “army”. V, or also known as Kim Taehyung, is my bias and Jeon Jungkook is my bias wrecker hehe! I guess I just want to express that BTS helped me a lot. I was going through some rough patches in my personal life and listening to their songs and watching their shows just bring me joy every day. They certainly helped me redirect my attention and energy to things and people that truly matter.

My seven anpanman from L-R: V, SUGA, Jin, J-Hope, RM, Jimin, and Jungkook

IMAGE: VARIETY

The holidays were again, quaint and simple. My family ate dinner in a hotel before Christmas and we just went home by 9pm to celebrate the birth of our Savior. I also bought gifts for my closest friends and I enjoyed shipping it to them, especially to those who are residing far from me. I think I talked about how I celebrated New Year in my first post so let me end here instead. :) 2020 may have been a rollercoaster ride but it surely did show me that the most mundane things can be the most beautiful things in life. See, my biggest takeaway last year is that not everything I have had to let go, I have lost. I definitely gained the liberty to pursuit my goals, the liberty to explore the world further, and the liberty to welcome new opportunities in my life. I hope you can also say the same for you. How would you describe your 2020?

Xo,

Ki